i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.