# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.