well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.