Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek