All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"