You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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