Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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