you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
