matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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