I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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