Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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