i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
