Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
