you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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