He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
