i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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