No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
