he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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