and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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