am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
