i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
