I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
