theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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