Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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