and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize