i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
