When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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