And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
