that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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