you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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