Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
