I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
