This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you had me at cake vodka
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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