took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
