Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
