i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
