if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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