You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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