And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
