Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
