I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
