Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
