hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
