I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
