I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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