I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize