pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
