I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
