Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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