what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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