Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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