Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize