man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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