I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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