saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
