Non-Jews are for practice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
