I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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