Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
