I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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