I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
