If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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