Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
