Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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