fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
