Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
